Cheryl Strayed posed the question, “Where did you get your water?” This made me think, for all the struggles that I have encountered, where did I find my strength to move forward and become the person that I am today? I have been adopted multiple times, found my birth mother, had barely enough money to buy groceries, have lots of family/brothers and sisters but no contact with any of them. I could go on and on but the important question is, where did I find my water?
Water from People
People who had no reason to care about me were miraculously placed in my life’s path. These people rarely gave me money or shelter but they gave me supportive words and encouragement that kept me from feeling as though I had nothing. These people gave me the strength to look deep inside myself and find what I needed to keep moving. Sometimes, I just moved along and sometimes, I was able to move forward. I found water in the emotional support provided by others who thought I was worth it.
Water in the Desert
There was a time that I did not believe that water existed. A part of me wanted to keep moving forward or at least moving, but the mental fight became too much. Daily, I struggled between moving forward and giving in to the voices in my head that said moving forward was too much to handle. At this point, I made the decision that enough was enough and I gave in. I took the pills. I survived the night. I went to work and then, I made the decision to check myself into the hospital.
There was water, if only a very slight drop, that kept me alive.
After many days in the hospital, I was released and I found the strength to start moving forward again – a few meager drops but water was available.
Read about my life here: Life in Pieces
Provider of Water
No one could give me the water that I needed to keep moving, let alone, to survive.
No one could have said the words or provided the encouragement or touch that I needed to find water. I had become so thirsty, almost to the point of ceasing to exist but somehow, I found a spoon and with the last bit of energy that existed in me, I dug deep and hard.
Without realizing it, I wanted water more than I ever had and I took the shakiest, most uncertain, scary steps to find it and it was there.
Accepting the Existence of Water
I have come to know that water is always nearby, I simply have to stop, listen, and seek. Sometimes, finding water is as simple as being quiet. Quieting the laziness, quieting the indecision, quieting the desire to not venture into the uncertain. When I quiet the noise, I can hear the water and find my way to it.
I am not saying that finding water is easy or without effort because it is not. It can be as easy as doing what I know I should – getting up off the couch and cleaning the kitchen. Other times, it is as complicated as making a life changing decision.
Even when water is hard to find, it will come.
Patience and the ability to recognize when it arrives is crucial. Water appears in passages that I read and conversations with others. It may not appear at the moment but over time, it comes. I may even miss it the first time but when I take time to reflect and revisit my life, it is always there.
At my core, I am determined and strong, which has been the foundation that allows me to find water even when it seems to not exist.
Even when I felt that there was no way to move forward, no solution to my problems; my core remained strong and the water came, as a barely discernible droplet.It was all I needed to lift and pull me through.
My Core is My Water
My core remains intact regardless of my ever-changing circumstances.
My core is stronger than any other part of me.
My core never changes although I sometimes become disconnected from it.
My core is consistent and it never deprives me of what I need.
My core fights for my survival and success (whatever that means to me).
My core keeps propelling me forward even when another part of me wants to lay down and let circumstances take control.
My core will always provide the water that I need!
Where do you get your water?