Doing Right to Survive

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A week ago, these words changed my life:

I AM DONE!

Standing in a room, all alone, without any effort on my part, without any forethought, the words came out of my mouth.

They emerged with a force, a strength, that I did not realize was within me.

They came with a vengeance so strong that it was like a wave had washed over me.

I stood  there, frozen, and then, I said the words again.

I am done.

Again, I felt a calmness that I have not felt in a long time and I knew, it was true.

There was no “but”, there was no “what if”, there was no “I can make this work”.

There was only satisfaction, calm, and comfort.

I know, this time, unlike so many times before, the decision is final.

Fear and uncertainty will not change my mind.

There are no “what ifs”.

There is “I can”, “I will”, and ” I must”.

There is, “I have waited too long.” and “Why did I allow this?”

I know all the reasons that I allowed this to happen but all of those are in the past.

At the time, they served the purpose of helping me “get through it” and just keep moving forward.

That time was then.

Every day, I say the words again. I am done. To my relief, my reaction is the same.

I have no regrets.

I did what I thought was right.

I am ready for NOW!

I did what I felt I had to do while not recognizing how much I was hurting myself.

I chose to ignore how much staying was sucking the life out of me, every single day.

Every meaningful interaction was negatively impacted by this decision.

I stayed because it was much easier than going. You know, the devil we know….

I stayed because I thought I could take it.

I could handle it better than others.

It was not bothering me to stay.

I stayed because after all these years, I still get lost in the believe that life is fair and people will do what is right.

At the moment that I said, I am done, I knew that was not true.

“Right” seems to be very subjective and open to interpretation.

People oftentimes do what is best for them and they figure out how it does not matter to you or they simply do not care about you.

With the words, I am done, I realized none of what I believed was true.

None of what had kept me going was real. It was all a facade that crumbled in a second.

I am taking back control of me and my life and all decisions that go along with it.

I have intentionally not identified what I am done with because I believe this post can apply to so many people in so many different situations.

We hang on out of fear, hope, commitment, determination, etc. Then, for some, one day, the words, I am done, are said and those words completely change our perspective and how we handle the very next decisions that we have to make.

Suddenly, we make it about us.

Not the fear.

We make it about who we are and what we really want, not the commitment or hope for a better outcome.

We take control and we own the outcome and we lose the fear. 

 

When have you said, I AM DONE and knew tyou really meant it? 

 

 

 

 

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One Response to Doing Right to Survive

  1. Pingback: A Fresh Start | Change Our Thinking

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